DIVORCE AMERICAN STYLE – WHEN THE MUSIC’S OVER

I’ve done dating tech – now how about divorce tech? Facebook is being cited in almost one in five of online divorce petitions, lawyers have claimed. That’s according to the Telegraph in the UK. But… We’re still number 1! So we didn’t win the world cup. We’re NUMBER 1 IN DIVORCE DAWG!!!!

Get ready for a few posts on this fascinating subject. In fact someone told me the other day that the divorce rate in America is approaching 60 percent. That would be more in line with the people I know.

But here are the latest facts according to nationmaster.com

1. United States: 4.95 per 1,000 people (It’s higher – just like the unemployment rate.)
2. Puerto Rico: 4.47 per 1,000 people (No surprise but they’re part of us aren’t they?)
3. Russia: 3.36 per 1,000 people (Have a drink on me.)
4. United Kingdom: 3.08 per 1,000 people (They couldn’t be far behind us.)
5. Denmark: 2.81 per 1,000 people (Maybe this is what makes them the happiest people on earth – according to 60 minutes.)
6. New Zealand: 2.63 per 1,000 people (There’s nothing to do down there anyway except get married and divorced.)
7. Australia: 2.52 per 1,000 people (Here’s more alcohol and therefor more hangovers, so it’s not the first thing on your mind.)
8. Canada: 2.46 per 1,000 people (Probably paid for by government so why not?)
9. Finland: 1.85 per 1,000 people (They make bad phones, so it’s not a stretch.)
10. Barbados 1.21 per 1,000 people (Really at number 10? The guys must get super mad down there!)
11. Guadeloupe: 1.18 per 1,000 people (Even worse.)
12. Qatar: 0.97 per 1,000 people (I’m surprised this country’s on the list when a simple beheading will do?)
13. Portugal: 0.88 per 1,000 people (Well they can’t be too happy about how the World Cup turned out.)
14. Albania: 0.83 per 1,000 people (Have you ever heard the term “Blood Fued?”)
15. Tunisia: 0.82 per 1,000 people (I would think they’re too busy with the quality of hashish they probably get down there).
16. Singapore: 0.8 per 1,000 people (Okay so if you get caned for spitting out your gum……)
17. China: 0.79 per 1,000 people (Yeah right – who knows what to believe with China, much less Chinese Divorce).
18. Greece: 0.76 per 1,000 people (Well the economy’s a wreck so can you imagine what those poor guys are going through?)
19. Brunei: 0.72 per 1,000 people (See entry 12 above. Each guys has 50 wives so…. what are you telling me?)
20. Panama: 0.68 per 1,000 people (If they can get rid of their dictator what shot do the guys have?)
21. Syria: 0.65 per 1,000 people (The women have to have an escape plan too I would assume)
22. Thailand: 0.58 per 1,000 people (The people are too busy fighting in the streets, who has time for… What?)
23. Mauritius: 0.47 per 1,000 people (Never heard of this country…. only kidding!)
24. Ecuador: 0.42 per 1,000 people (I thought the whole point was to get to the US to send money back?)
25. El Salvador: 0.41 per 1,000 people (Half the country is MS13 and even the US Army wants no part of them.)
26. Cyprus: 0.39 per 1,000 people (No witty comment here)
27. Chile: 0.38 per 1,000 people (Plenty or room to hide I suppose)
28. Jamaica: 0.38 per 1,000 people (Yeah – I don’t think so. Woman you’re not going ANYWHERE!)
29. Mongolia: 0.37 per 1,000 people (Even Genghis Khan had a Mongolian mom?)
30. Turkey: 0.37 per 1,000 people (Supposedly they have the dirtiest porn. Don’t ask me how I know.)
31. Mexico: 0.33 per 1,000 people (Surprised that they made the list)
32. Italy: 0.27 per 1,000 people (This may go up if they fail to make the round of 16 again).
33. Brazil: 0.26 per 1,000 people (Isn’t killing your wife easier than going to court down there?)
34. Sri Lanka: 0.15 per 1,000 people (Pretty low huh?)

But make no mistake – we still take the cake. And can you blame American Guys? There’s smut everywhere. It starts on Nickelodeon and makes it’s way to Pay Per View. What am I supposed to do when at home with my 10 year old kid and I’m going through the guide from Channel 89 (The Yes Network) up to see what’s on BIO or Investigation Discovery and have to pass “Horny Milf Sluts” or “Boob Squad.” I couldn’t help notice that the Tiger Woods Spinoff Porno is on one of the Adult channels.

Now there are lots of reasons I suppose for getting divorced….

Here are some of the top 10 reasons I can think of for getting a divorce. Falling out of love, financial troubles, abuse, some kind of criminal activity (like say, being a serial killer), but…. the number one reason is – of course – infidelity.

For instance let’s say your some schnook – and you got too drunk one night and couldn’t resist the urge to bring home some hooker to the “other pad” you maintain in the city. First of all, don’t you know that women have some kind of sixth sense? That’s whey it’s better to include them IN the cheating if you can.

Not screw some hooker, then when it looks like the jig is up – beg your friend to lie for you. I suppose…. I mean, I guess. But then – why would you then turn around and screw over that very same friend?

No R E S P E C T means D I V O R C E!

Better mow your lawn now fellas if you can’t think of a creative way to have a Ménage à trois.

Here’s the Doors with – When The Music’s Over.

DIVORCE AMERICAN STYLE - WHEN THE MUSIC'S OVER

Currently in Beta, GCMP.tv syndicates to 150 Viral Video and Social Media Sites as well as mobile content to 70 countries. A little about myself, I head the digital media and emerging technologies division of GCMP.tv. In addition to being a leading New York media strategist, Brian specializes in social commerce, webcasting, building your own network (BYON), ghostwriting and blogging. iProgram specializes in Live To Phone Technologies, mobile video and marketing strategies from its base in New York City. I am also an expert on webcasting and am frequently called upon to execute webcasts from in studio and remote locations. I am a leading New York Based Streaming Media Encoding Technician.